Define Yourself

Life is full of defining moments. Holding your first niece, nephew, or grandchild. Giving birth yourself (not sure if I will ever be ready for that, but, you know, for some people...). Saying, "No." Saying, "Yes." Losing a pet. Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Changing someone's life. Saving someone's life. Getting married. Realizing you are the kind of person you've always wanted to be. Meeting your role model. Finding true happiness. Reading the acceptance letter from your first-choice college. Moving out of your parents' house. Graduating. "Finding Jesus." The death of a loved one. The conversation you have with your best friend about cancer. The first time you stand up for yourself. The first time you stand up for someone else.

The moments that define us the most are the ones in which we make our own decisions. Growing up, parents, siblings, and friends influence most of our decisions. We don't want to disappoint anyone, or other times we don't want to do what is expected of us. I've always found, in the end, that we have to make our own decisions, and in the least selfish way, worry about ourselves. It's kind and considerate to take others' feelings into account, but we can't live the life someone else thinks we should. We are our own people, and there's a reason we were all given free agency. 

The day I started making my own decisions based on the life I wanted for myself has been my biggest defining moment so far. Every day since, I've been a much happier person. The best way I can think to explain it is, if you do something you hate just because you think it will make your parents proud or make you more popular, even if it achieves those purposes, does it make your life any less miserable as you do it? What if you do what you love simply because it brings you happiness--does it matter anymore if your parents are proud or how many friends you have? All that truly matters is that you are happy with yourself. Inner peace will come not from anyone else's approval, but instead from doing what you believe is right, getting to know yourself, and making your own choices based on whose beliefs and values? That's right: YOURS. You will never be able to make everyone happy, so why sacrifice your own well-being in the hopes of some one else's contention? There is no excuse or sense in letting someone who is not you dictate your life. Take advantage of those defining moments. Listen to your own voice and opinion. Realize that the choices you make today will affect your own life years down the road, not your friends'. Do what scares you, do what makes you happy, but most of all, do what you want. Be self-motivated. The biggest mistake you can make is to let other's tell you who you are. Be real and be you. Define yourself.

Always, Anna